or how a drunk Kiwi Wanker ruined our Friday night.
Here is what happend.
Anne and i were enjoying a drink in the Walkabout in Shepherds Bush.
We like it in there because: A - the drinks are cheap, B - they have live music followed by a cheesy disco & C - Aussie/Kiwi pubs are always fun because everyone inside is out to get bladderd and have fun.
So there we were enjoying our drinks and the music having finally found a spot to stand in where we weren't getting bumped too much, and weighing up the merits of each cheesy track for our Kareoke solos at next weeks work Christmas party. 2 blokes came and stood next to us. It was pretty much the only spot left to stand in as the pub was packed. We didn't think anything of it.
The next thing I know one of them comes up to me and says "Why are you too so bloody miserable?" Huh? we were having a good time and were both smiling. "Do you two not like boys then, are you into girls ?" What the fuck !
After which he stormed off. Thankfully.
His mate lent over and asked what he'd said and I told him and he made a face that said 'What the Fuck!'
We went back to chatting and after a while the mate started to try and talk to me. I didn't really want to talk to him but I thought, 'There's no point being rude he might be interesting and there's no reason why we can't just have a general chat'. So we had a brief shouted conversation where in I discovered his name was Colin and he was from Auckland and he LOVES London, I mean he really LOVES London, "it's the centre of the world aye! When you read the papers it's all about London and never about New Zealand, this is where its all happening" and so on and so forth.
Midway through the London appreciation lecture, his mate came back with 2 more snake bites and proceeded to talk To Anne, after a while she turned to me and said "Lets go now". "OK" I said after clocking the look on her face. I said good-bye and we headed to the tube station while Anne filled me in.
The friend had been telling her all sorts of awful disgusting things she couldn't bring her self to repeat before declaring " You're so beautiful I want to kiss you."
Anne said "whoa, sorry I have a boyfriend." Which is true.
He went psycho.
"Are you two lesbians?" How pathetic, just 'cos she doesn't want to get off with you she must be a lesbian!
"Is it and inter-racial thing" WTF !!!! what!! now we're inter racial lesbians !!!!
Then he said to her "If you two don't leave right now I'm gonna start picking on your friend." As threats go I've heard worse, but combine it with the creepiness of the conversation and the fact that he was a complete freak and anyone would have high-tailed it out of there.
Some men are complete fucking wankers and this one was probably a serial Killer in the making.