I haven't been around much. In the psychological sense, for quite sometime now. My depression got to the point where my doctor put me on antidepressants.
It's a mild drug at the minimum dose but they are antidepressants none the less. On Wednesday I had my first appointment with a psychologist. This one is a proper PhD Psychologist unlike the quack I saw last time and I think that this time she really will help. I already feel more positive after just the assessment.
I think the gist of her assessment is that much of my problems come from an inability to communicate my feelings and wishes, coupled with negative learnt behaviours and childhood trauma.
It's not that I had an exceptionally horrible childhood, there are millions who had it far worse than me. But I am a sensitive soul and learnt to internalise my distress which has compounded over the years into a big ball of ... I don't know how to describe it, but it's bad it's negative and destructive and it sits at the back of my brain influencing my life.
I hope that I can learn to move past it and move on.