A week with Mother Earth

We both had had a week off work. So we decided we would do stuff, together, bonding. It started out harmlessly enough. We went for a walk in Kensington Gardens so that she could visit the Diana Memorial Fountain - she's a big Diana fan. We argued over a bar of chocolate I maintained that I am an adult and do not need to be told what I shouldn't eat. She laid on a guilt trip. We fed some ducks and some aggressive squirrels and then made up over a pint on the way back to the tube.

Tuesday we set off for lunch in Wimbledon. I'd never been to Wimbledon. I had heard of 'Wimbledon Village' and imagined a small village street filled with tea rooms and old fashioned shops. What I got was a bustling town centre full of high street chain stores and not even a glimpse of a Womble to make up for it.

Walking home from the train station she decided to tell me that I'm still single because I don't smile and when men try to talk to me i ignore them. I pointed out the fact that I am Fat and that is why i don't get asked out and that on the rare occasion when i do have men approach me for a reason other than to hand me a copy of the London Lite I don't talk/flirt/encourage their advances because they are always creepy/psychotic/deranged.

Wednesday the hospital called and asked her to come in and do over time. So no arguments there.

We were late for Thursdays appointment at the nail bar because Mother couldn't leave the house without doing the washing up and tidying the living room because. "I don't want to come back to a dirty house".

We rounded out the week with an argument about which cinema to go to to watch Casino Royal. I paid for her ticket just to shut her up. During the half hour of pre film adverts she ate the entire tub of popcorn and I drank a huge diet coke. Big mistake. Half way though the film I was bursting but didn't want to leave as the loos were a good half mile away though a maze of corridors and stair cases. I legged it as soon as the credits rolled, barging people out of my way without a moments hesitation. The feeling of relief on emptying a gallon of diet coke from you bladder is one of the best feeling on earth.

I still don't fancy Daniel Craig but he is strangely endearing.