back to the drawing board

I went swimming today and colapsed after 8 lengths. Pathetic.

So I decided to set my self a new challenge and swim Liverpool to New York. that is until I found out how far apart they are. 5299km. It took me about 4 months to be fit enough to swim 1km at a time. it'll take me years. I need a shorter swim. Any sugestions?

He still hasn't emailed, the complete and utter BASTARD.

repent at leisure

I went speed dating on Saturday. I arrived on time, which was much earlier than I should have. We were asked to arrive at 7.30 to register for the event at 8pm. I was the only girl there at 7.30 the rest arrived in pairs and threes as it got closer to kick off. We were supposed to mingle and gett chatting. I am incapable of doing this due to my cripling shyness, so I stand at the bar slowly sipping my wine, while all the men - who also seem to be here in groups steadily try to avoid looking at me, while praying that it won't be all fat ugly birds tonite.

Eeventualy it started. I took my place at my table and my first date, a lawyer form Azerbijan sat down in front of me. We were supposed to chat untill the whistle blew - about 3 minutes. My first date didn't even want to spend that long talking to me. We introduced ourselves and thenhe tried to excuse himself to go to the bar ... but no way in hell wasI going to let him humiliate me like that so I told him that actualy you have to keep talikng untill the whistle blew. He stayed put and we made awkward small talk for another minute and a half.

Most of my dates seemed to go well and i actualy enjoyed most of them and could have chatted to them for a lot longer that the 3 minutes allotted. There were of course a couple of complete duds. One was a good looking bloke who said he was a music producer and loved the sound of his own voice. Apparently he is working on a top secret project with someone really really famous. If it's such a bit secret and you can't talk abo7ut it why mention it at all you twat.

Then there was the Vietnamese translator whos body language screamed ' i'm really not interested anddon't want to talk to you cos your fat and disgusting'. There was the student accountant who didn't listen to a word I say and the Australian who kept insisting that I must be a good runner becouse i am part Ethiopian. Atlk about racial steriotyping, I should have asked him if he was a racist, alcoholic, sheep fucking, cunt, 'cos like ya know you're an Aussie.

After the event you enter your results on the web site. You give everyone a tick for either a yes, no or friend.
I ticked a few yeses, a few nos and a few friends. Yoou are then informed if anyone you marked as a yes or a friend did the same for you, you don't see the nos. I got several freiend matches and one yes. Being a pessimist, I wasn't expecting a yes ( hoping yes, but expecting no). I definetly wasn't expecting a yes from him. He was Music producers flat mate and just as good looking. I do remeber haveing a really nice chat with lots of laughing. I think he was the one who told me I had a nice smile.

I emailed him. not straight away obviously, I didn't want to look desperate. I waited until Monday evening and sent a short message along the lines of 'Was treally nice meeting you and I really liked talking to you. I look forward to chatting to you again.' I didn't want to sound too keen ans scare him off.

He hasn't replied. I know that there are many, many good reasons that he could have for not replying: hit by a bus, on holiday, knackered computer, arrested for murder, stabbed by mugger, fell over and hit head on curb resulting in amnesia, etc, etc...
But that hasn't stopped me chekcing my fucking email every hour for thr last 2 days anxiously waiting for his email like a some patehtic needy love starved spinster - oh wait I am.

Whay hasn't he fucking emailed me ???

Did he tick yes by mistake ? Did he tick yes for a joke ? Did he tick yes for all the women there (just in case)and is now busy with one of the thin pritty ones? WTF is going on?

Is he playing it cool? Is he trying not to seem too eager so that he doesn't scare me off? Has he changed his mind? Did I take the wrong approach with my email? Should I have asked him out?

I hate this, it's not fun, it's not exciting, it's horrible. It's worse than being lonely.

32

Turning 32 was not as horrible as I thought it would be.

My family threw me a surprise party. I've always wanted a surprise party.

employee of the month

I have just become the recipient of the first ever 'Staff Award' at the purple charity. I got a certificate and £100 in vouchers of my choosing. This is my reward for keeping the department alive while my manager was off on 3 months sick leave.

Over a month later I am only just begining to catch up and get back to what resembles normal. In an uncharacteristic surge of bravado I asked for a pay rise. the answer as expected was a big fat no.

I am tired.