A monkey stole my ice cream

After a full day of mishaps, detours and long queues, I final made it up to the top of Penang Hill.

As I strolled down the path Cornetto in hand, I noticed a monkey sitting on the fence. He was staring at my ice cream. I knew what was coming. He climbed down off the fence and started towards me.

A few days earlier the pet monkey of my guesthouse in Langkawi had tried to rip the earring out of my ear (I was informed that she does this becouse she likes earrings not becouse she's vicious).

I had no intention of being mawled by a disease ridden wild monkey (I've seen outbreak). So I decided the monkey was welcome to my ice cream as long as it stayed away from me and chucked my Cornetto over the fence. The monkey quickly followed.

I heart Thailand

I've been in Malaysia for only 1 day and I already know that I much prefer Thailand.
Crossing the border the difference in atmosphere was tangible.

The people aren't as friendly. Everything is more expensive and the air smells worse thanks to the open sewers running down each side of every street.

A Rat as big as a Cat

I was on my way back to the hostel fake Prada bag in hand and my purse 1,500 bhat lighter when I decided to take a stroll through Phuket Towns day market.
I was marveling at the live Turtles, Catfish and Eels floundering in buckets on the floor and recoiled at the stench of rotting vegetable's and putrified fish when I noticed a rat scuttle across the aisle in front of me.

After coming to the conclusion that going deeper into the bowels of the stinking market probably wasn't the best idea, I turned around and headed back the way I had come. Until I spied another rat - a huge rat, cross my path a few feet away.

There was a rat in front of me and a rat behind me and probably several rats on either side of me and I knew I had to get the hell out of there. I picked up my pace towards the exit.
As I approached the point where the huge rat had passed in front of me, don't ya know the dirty little bugger decided that it really didn't like that side of the aisle after all and would return to whatever sewage filled hole it had crawlwd out from.

The only problem I had with this is that my foot was in the way. It ran straight into it, then over it and left a thick black line of dirt across my shin where its filthy disgusting rat tail swiped me. I screamed and shrieked like a little girl and a group of old Thai women nearby laughed hysterically while pointing and shouting what I assumed were words of reassurance at me.

I legged it out of there straight to the 7Eleven for a bottle of Dettol. They didn't have any, but I managed to find some rubbing alcohol and a tube of antiseptic cream. After scrubbing my leg raw I poured the whole bottle of alcohol over it and then when the burning had died down I smeared on the whole antiseptic cream and prayed that I wouldn't catch the plague.

By the light of the Slivery Moon

The Ko Pangan full moon party wasn't at all what I expected. I thought we'd land on a vast stretch of beach bordering a tropical jungle. I expected a Huge sound system at one end of the beach blasting out dance music and thousands of people dancing to the same beat.

In reality the boat docks at a small harbor bordering the town of Hatt Rinn, you jump off and follow the crowd through the maze of streets dodging food carts and people selling the infamous buckets until you arrive at a crowed beach bordered by a 7eleven and several beach bars and restaurants, each one with it's own sound system blasting different music.

To get from one end of the beach to the other you have to wind your way through the dancing masses, around the people passed out comatose from too much booze and try not to trip over the discarded beer bottles and randomly abandoned flip flops, while giving an emphatic 'NO' to the undercover police officers posing as drug dealers (they actually get a bonus for every one they catch).

But that's the not the fun part. That comes when you re-enact the fall of Saigon as try to catch your boat back to Ko Samui. After working your way back to the dock you have to climb down the slippery ladder and onto the 3 foot wide space of sand and rock left by the retreating tide. From here you push and shove your way through the hoard to the back of a boat which might possibly be the one you have a return ticket on. You show the guys loading people onto the boat your ticket - a laminated piece of colored paper on a string around your neck and they tell you "No, not this boat! you wait for other one!".

You repeat this procedure with every boat that turns up for nearly an hour while being pushed and shoved from every direction whilst you try desperatly not to fall over in the waves and get chopped to pieces by speed boat propellers until your boat finally turns up.

It's far from what you imagine infact it's far more Ibiza Uncovered than The Beach. But you have to go just once, so you can say you've been.

Twice in one life time

Hello Block 4 English Language A Level class !

You may be disappointed to know that you are not the first English A level class to study my blog. But I'm not complaining in fact I love it and find it quite ironic since I only got an 'D' on my English language A/s. I just hope I being used as an example of good writing (even though I'll be the first to admit quit a few of my posts are utter crap).

Which posts did you find weird ? Sometimes I do ramble on, and yes sometimes I can be quite bitter. . .

I used to work with a girl from Wigan. She used to go all the way back to Wigan every weekend so that she could spend all day in the Back lion Pub and Princes nightclub.

Peo, I am single, but you're probably far to young for me...Unless you are very very good looking or very very rich in which case age ain't nothing but a number!

Anyway, I must go now, I'm off to catch the ferry to the full moon party on Ko Panang.

On the road again

Greetings from Thailand!

I t feels good to be on the move and you'll be pleased to hear I have cheered right up after I vented my spleen in the last post.

I was actually quite cheerful as I left for the airport and apart form a minor heart attack when I thought I'd gone to the wrong airport everything went smoothly.

I was given an impromptu tour of Kuala Lumpur by my taxi driver who told me all about his sister the nurse who works in an old folks home in harrow on the hill.
After a full day of sight seeing (ok window shopping) I flew to Bangkok, where I came down with a bad case of shopping fever.

It's just that everything is so cheap and so pretty and I get carried away haggling...

My haul after 2 days totals:

2 pair of Thai fisherman's pants
1 T-shirt
2 hand bags
3 paintings
4 post cards
2 books of post cards (I was emotionally blackmailed by the little girl selling them)
3 cushion covers
1 tailor made 3 piece suit and 2 tailor made shirts (70 quid for the lot! How could I turn that down?)
2 floaty scarves

I think a trip to the post office and a big box are in order.

26 hours

26 hours until I leave Australia.

I don't want to go. I don't want to stop traveling and having fun. I want to keep seeing new things and meeting new people. I don't want to go home to the same old boring life I had before. Get up go to work, come home from work watch TV, go to bed. Friday night after work drinks and Saturday roaming the High Street.

I want to see my family I miss them but after I've said Hello I want to leave again, come back here. But can't, because it won't ever be the same, it's all over.

It's would be like coming back to the hostel in Melbourne. I had such a great time here. I had such good friends we had a little community, however temporary. Now I am back and those people I left behind have drifted away one by one, to be replaced with new faces with new relationships and new dynamics of their own ones to which I don't belong any more because my time has passed. I hover on the outside, welcomed but not belonging. Things can't ever be the way they were.

does this come in a bigger size?

There are very few situations in life which will lower a girls self esteem more than going underwear shopping with an attractive 19 year old blonde.

Sharing rental cars with total strangers

Any minute now it'll move. It'll hop out of the way any second now. Fuck, we're gonna hit it!!!

I glanced over at the Canadian guy in the drivers seat of our rental car. He had his foot down on the brake pedal as far as it would go and held the steering wheel in a death grip. I looked back out of the windscreen at the Kangaroo sitting on the road straight in front of us, seemingly oblivious to the car hurtling towards it at 100kmph.

We screeched to a halt. I lost sight of the Roo under the bonnet. Fuck we've killed it! A tail flicked out into the road and the disappeared. Shit its not dead, we're gonna have to whack it in the head with a tyre iron to finish it off, shit. A head bobbed up and down in front of the bonnet as the stupid animal turned around and then bounced towards the undergrowth at the side of the road.

I looked at Canadian Guy, he looked at me, we both breathed a sigh of relief.
"Fuck, I thought for sure we'd hit it".
"Me too. We can't have missed it by more than an inch."
"Probably less.....Shit"
"Drive slower, I don't want to have to go through that again"
"Yeah, I guess all those warnings about driving after dusk aren't just bull shit, eh!"

Aprils wierd searches

1. excitement
2. wet the bed
3. hairy women photos
4. naked girls on earth
5. one-girl-seven-guys
6. what song was played at scott and charlenes wedding in neighbours?